The Sheepcat

Clarifying a Catholic Pastoral Approach to Same-Sex Attraction

While I love being Mrs Sheepcat, being married to a husband with such an unusual background means taking on some unpleasant social and spiritual consequences. After all, the Sheepcat is a triple minority: he has experienced same-sex attraction (and continues to experience some); he's chosen chastity; and now he's happily married.

I don't, of course, mean to compare the pain and misunderstanding I've experienced to that endured by people with SSA and their loved ones, especially those who are pursuing chastity. And suffering in one's own life often points one to ways of serving others. Many members of Courage have survived bullying and isolation, and not just in the ways popularly portrayed. Even so, some become spiritual giants who have a lot to teach those like me who don't personally struggle with SSA. I'm not just a witness to the testimonies I've seen, I'm an ad-hoc ambassadress to those outside Courage/‌‌EnCourage who need to understand better how the Church can respond.

In my capacity as co-facilitator of EnCourage Toronto, I respond in the May edition of The Interim to an April letter-writer who misunderstood the purpose of Courage. (The Interim is Canada's life and family newspaper. If you or your parish don't already receive it, please consider subscribing. You can see most of the monthly past content of The Interim and its associated regular blog, Soconvivium, but letters appear only in the print edition.)

A well-meaning letter-writer suggested referring a young same-sex-attracted friend to Courage, to "help him reconnect with an attraction to the opposite sex and experience the rich rewards it is blessed with."

Please allow me to clarify two popular misapprehensions about Courage, a Catholic apostolate endorsed by the Pontifical Council for Life and the Family. Courage ministers to persons with same-sex attraction – and through EnCourage, to their loved ones. The Courage approach is rooted in our Catechism and carefully distinguishes between the person, inclination, and act. (If you're a non-Catholic reader, please bear with me. Any fair historian of Christian pastoral responses to SSA would acknowledge that, in general, other groups upholding traditional sexual morality have been improving their care of souls by moving in Courage's direction.)

First: if "Gordy" is a minor, he isn't eligible for an adult support group. His experience of SSA might be transient or deep-seated, and he would benefit instead from confidential assistance as he considers the question. But he and his family, school, lay group, or parish would be welcome to request spiritual direction, counselling referrals, and approved speakers through the local Courage chaplain.

Second: I'm the delighted wife of a well-known former gay activist and current Courage member. It's often easier for a married member to give public testimony, so if you're outside the Courage/EnCourage environment, you may be hearing stories like ours more frequently. However, the majority of Courage members are single and likely to stay so. They deserve the same gratitude and respect we show others who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom. They need well-informed support from the pro-life and pro-family movements.

Presuming a one-size-fits-all narrative of change could be deeply hurtful and disrupt a private discernment process. Please see couragerc.net to learn about the five goals of Courage: chastity, prayer and dedication, fellowship, support, and service as a role model. The first is for members "to live chaste lives in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church's teaching on homosexuality." Indeed, all of us are called to chastity, whether that is realized in marriage or in celibacy. Members seeking to explore heterosexual attraction are supported, just as are members who heroically struggle with ongoing SSA.

If you're eligible, please consider joining a support or reparational prayer group; participating in a retreat, sports camp, or ListServ; or attending our conference in Emmitsburg, MD this July 19 to 22. If your area has no group, please contact the central office at 203-803-1564 about getting started. And if you're not eligible but would like to learn more, please browse the website's numerous text, audio, and video resources.

Courage members start with surrendering to God, and they leave the outcome to Him.

The Sheepcat tells his story because he's grateful to God, and he wants to be like the leper who went back and thanked God. He was already doing a great job testifying as a single man. Since we got engaged in 2008, I've joined him in speaking out about same-sex attraction. We hope that our particular story may give inspiration to others, but we don't want it used as a template imposed on others.

I've noticed that the Sheepcat's testimony as a celibate-man-with-SSA was more interesting to some audiences, and his testimony as a married-man-who-continues-to-have-a-degree-of-SSA is more interesting to other audiences. Why that is the case is worthy of discussion in the Church. In any case, we're a happily married couple and our marriage is now part of the Sheepcat's story. That doesn't mean that anyone should expect that marriage is the only happy ending for people with SSA – far from it. We're the Church that celebrates celibacy, so we need to love and respect and support all our singles. For parents to force children in their state of life is a violation of the Fourth Commandment;¹ and it likewise follows that anyone else pressuring someone in that area would infringe upon individual conscience and freedoms.

Source

My husband and I will accept a speaking engagement only after making clear to the prospective host that we're not offering a program with the goal of getting everybody with SSA "fixed" so they can be married. And that's never been a problem yet. But given the lingering influence of programs that do seem to have that goal, or once did, it seems there's a lot of work left to do to clarify the Catholic pastoral approach, so we'll be even more explicit in future. That we love being married doesn't mean that anybody, anywhere should ever be pressured into marriage.

1 I've loved this particular Examination of Conscience for about as long as I've regularly used the Internet. One small caveat: three times (twice in the text and once in a handy definition footnote), the document used a word then unfamiliar to me, "froward," which (cough!) I badly needed to learn. Anyway, at some point since I started visiting the page, an overzealous webmaster or some impertinent software "corrected" the word to read "forward." So far, I haven't been successful in trying to let the author know. It's still a great resource.

Don't Quench a Smoldering Wick

"He will not break a bruised reed or quench a smoldering wick, till he brings justice to victory" (Matthew 12:20).

Do you know that "the Lord loves a good game"? I'm not going to follow the blogging convention and post an excerpt. If you haven't read Deacon Doug's address of that name, please read the whole thing; and if you're already familiar with it, please consider reading it again. I'll wait.

That outstanding talk is very germane to the present controversy involving a leading American gay activist. If for some reason you don't know of whom or what I speak, you can do an Internet search. Some self-identified Christians responding to this activist's April 12 outburst have been of a certain fundamentalist variety. For example: "Soon you shall be in hell-fire for not receiving the only payment possible for your sins – the shed Blood of Jesus." Catholics, ideally, have a greater awareness not only of our universal sinfulness but the universal call to holiness.

When engaging anyone hostile to the Faith, it is good to start with love and to remember that God's mercy triumphs over judgment. It's okay to defend yourself and the Church from aggression; it's not okay to return aggression with aggression. When you're introducing the Catechism's tripartite teaching on homosexuality, it's best to lead with the middle of those three paragraphs by affirming the dignity of the person. As the saying goes, you may be the only Bible that person ever reads. In the case of someone like this celebrity, you won't be the only Bible, but you might have a chance, as it were, to be a more accurate translation. And then there are the print and online readers whose circumstances aren't knowable.

There's no need, comboxers, to send me the evidence that this latest incident is one in a series of egregious incidents; I've probably read it or seen it. This isn't a blog post about serial bullying by an anti-bullying icon. This isn't an apologetics post to clear up lingering misunderstandings about interpreting the Bible or condoms or excommunication latae sententiae. Those discussions are certainly needed and are available elsewhere. When done well, they can represent three spiritual works of mercy: instructing the ignorant, counselling the doubtful, and admonishing sinners.

This is a blog post about the other four spiritual works of mercy: to bear wrongs patiently, to forgive offences willingly, to comfort the afflicted, and to pray for the living and the dead. This is a blog post for Catholics of good will, faithful to the Magisterium, who know that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Because on Monday a Catholic blogger-of-good-will linked to an atheist blogger-of-good-will who disagreed with him (their dialogue has continued since), we had the privilege of reading this transcript.

Better yet, here's the audio.

You can skip ahead to Act Three at the 37:47 mark. The host has already explained at the prologue that this show includes a word that is sometimes bleeped for radio, but hasn't been here. There are other words and views that might offend you. Please see this through. The piece will be done in less than 16 minutes, and it could be life-changing. We wish it had come to our attention a long time ago.

Know before beginning that it's going to be messy and heartbreaking and beautiful. When we're deeply aware of our own sinfulness and God's own mercy, we can be grateful and confident about God working in His own good time.

The episode in question aired exactly three years ago, on May 1, 2009. This date is the feast day of St Joseph the Worker. He is the Guardian of the Holy Family. I invite you to ask his intercession. If you read the transcript or listen to the audio, you'll know Who else to pray through, and where to pray.

Love this man. Forgive him if you need to. Make acts of reparation not only for his offences, but for those of the self-identified Christians who've been unhelpful, hateful even, in their critiques. Pray without ceasing, and fast as we approach the Pentecost. Get ready to welcome him (and the other guy, and the kid) back, when the time comes. "Pack a lunch." Love him, as Christ has loved us. Look forward to the real possibility of living with him in eternity, and help make that possible.

My Father's Sacrificial Love

On this the anniversary of my father's death, I honour his memory and ask for prayers for the repose of his soul. He was a minister of the United Church of Canada, and I now find it fitting that his anniversary coincides with the Feast of the Presentation, with its Gospel reading "Lord, now let your servant depart in peace" (Luke 2:29).

Several years ago I recalled the huge fight I had with my parents over their prayers for my deliverance from homosexuality. That post was gruelling to write, and I finally delivered the promised follow-up to it this past June over at Reclaim the Rainbow – Toronto in the form of a reflection on how my father's sacrificial love helped me become the man I am today. Thank you, Dad, and thank you, God, for all you have given me.

Congratulations, Cardinal-designate Thomas Collins

The Archdiocese of Toronto has received a precious gift for Epiphany in today's announcement that our beloved Archbishop Thomas Collins is to be elevated to the College of Cardinals. 

In 2007 Archbishop Collins received the pallium from the Holy Father.

The Sheepcat said in January 2007, just before Archbishop Collins' installation in Toronto, "Orthodox and positive. To me that's one inspiring combination." As we have come to know His Eminence and see him in action, our esteem and affection for him has grown. Ad multos annos!

 

A Post-Abortive Father's Coventry Carol

On this Feast of the Holy Innocents as we commemorate the little children executed by King Herod, I have adapted the 16th-century Coventry Carol to reflect the spiritual journey of a father complicit in the abortion of his own innocent child.

Lully, lullay, thou little tiny child,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.
Lullay, thou little tiny child,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

Child I begot, what have I wrought!
Cursed be that fateful day
Thy blood I shed. O shame and dread!
Beyond all hope I stay.

That woe is me, poor child for thee!
And ever mourn and sigh,
For thy parting neither say nor sing,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

Yet grace anew approaches through
Bethlehem’s lowly Babe
Who came to save e’en me, wretched knave
Who my own offspring slew.

Forgive me, Lord! Have mercy, Lord.
Renew my heart today.
I scorned in hate Thy providence great,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

Now cleansed of guilt for blood I spilt
All of it washed away,
Absolved of sin, I know peace within,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

Lully, lullay, thou little tiny child,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.
Lullay, thou little tiny child,
Bye, bye, lully, lullay.

Note: This is a work of imagination on my part. No child of mine or Mrs Sheepcat's has been aborted. But I used to march for "choice" on abortion, on International Women's Day and other occasions. And like many members of the gay and lesbian communities, I looked forward to severing the link between sex and procreation, imagining that this would bring liberty.

Instead we are now Co-Workers of Life promoting authentic freedom through Jesus Christ. The Sisters of Life offer days of prayer and healing for post-abortive men as well as for post-abortive women (separately). For post-abortion healing we also recommend Second Chance Ministry, Rachel's Vineyard Ministries, and Silent No More Awareness Campaign.